Currently Listening All That You Can't Leave Behind By U2 see related

so. there have been some developments...and basically it's looking like next year my family is going to move to minnesota, and I'm going to stay here, maybe rent an apartment with someone (no idea who). so. idk what to think about it really. I mean I know how to do my own laundry and pump gas and shop for groceries; I'm getting my license as soon as I take the test. But can I handle being on my own? idk. but I can't leave. I love my school. I love the kids & the teachers & my friends. I love my church, and everyone there. I love my house. I love that we have a "treehouse" in our backyard that I built with my dad when I was 11. And I love that every christmas I can go to Graham's and watch them make candycanes. And that I know my way around our little town. And that in the summer I can go to the quarry. And I love going to the city. I love  going to Shakespeare theatre at Navy Pier. I love taking the train downtown and sitting in the top. I love Millenium park and the horse drawn carriages. I love the christmas lights. The Cheesecake factory, Ghiradelli's, Ed Debevicks. I LOVE lake Michigan and sailing on it with my dad, even though it's freezing. I love all the memories I have here. I can't leave. I can't move again. But idk if I can live alone.

man I'm such a girl. so...well, indecisive comes to mind, but what I mean to say is...sentimental. it sucks.

please pray for me, that I can seek God's will in spite of my emotions and that if I'm to stay here, I will have the strength to do it & make it work.

Currently Listening Ultimate: Worship By Hillsong Look To You see related

I was walking down the hall today

and I found myself hoping that our paths would cross

and that he'd smile at me.

(ha has a real cute smile)

and they did, and he did.

and it made me happy

I'm surprised

but mostly I'm just happy.

could this be for real?...

Currently Listening Do You Believe in Magic By Lovin Spoonful see related

so...right now I'm trying to find the music to go with the Kepano Green song "emmanuel". many of you may have heard it-it's my favorite worship song, and since I'm doing worship again this weekend, I need to find it for David Lee who is apparently incapable of doing so himself. I've already found the other song I want him to learn - All that I Need by Goodbye Audio, in which Sara and I will get to do some lovely harmony. But Kepano Green is proving more difficult.

In other news: my dad bought a horse. I guess. Idk it's still sinking in. I've never met the horse (not sure if one can meet a horse) but we now own it. not sure what I think about this as it's part of my parents bribing my sister to move back to MN (they've been saying "If we do end up moving to MN, we can buy a house with more land so we can have a horse" and things like that. guess it never occured to anyone that we could buy a house with more land right here. But now we've got the horse (who's name is Jezebel) and not the land. Which worries me.

Got home at ten tonight from musical. and I'll be there again at 9am tomorrow morning until 5. I am tired. I wanted to have Greg, Hadi, Steve & Jamie over tonight to watch a movie or something, but my mom said no because our floor is torn up in our kitchen. oh well.

Finally got my France pictures. cost a freaking lot of money though. ($80). I'm going to bring the best ones (there's almost 300 or I'd bring them all) to church and to school on monday if you want to see.

alright.

well.

kepano is still evading me.

and I'm exhausted.

And my feet hurt.

And I want someone to give me a ticky-rub

But everyone's asleep.

So I'm going to bed.

goodnight!

"Sometimes it's easier to say you don't care than explain all the reasons you do."

Currently Listening Twenty Three Places By Matt Wertz Sweetness in Starlight see related

"C’est si bon de partir n’ importe où
Bras dessus bras dessous
En chantant des chansons

Ce soir, demain, la semaine prochaine…n’importe quand

....I wish. oh well. I'm not going to translate it though because it sounds better in french.

oh, life.

So I woke up at 5 this morning cause my mother was trying to break into my bathroom to get something (I accidentally left the door locked) and I just about had a heart attack hearing someone picking my lock, thought it was a serial killer, rapist, etc., and was fully prepared to throw my pillow at him to distract him while I escaped through the window. I had it all planned out. Oh well. Next time I guess. I discovered I have a talent for coming up with master plans for escape, though, so if you ever need one, all you need to do is ask. But anyways. I was tired all day because after all that early morning excitment of planning how to save myself and couldnt fall back asleep & was awake until my alarm went off at 640. thanks, mom.

Sara and I were able to have our "I ain't got no Man" night, which btdubs was so much fun-I love that girl! We watched Just Like Heaven and then some Hallmark movies until like 2 am. haha. It was so fun.

And then on sunday all went pretty well with worship, david and justin were great, and sara of course was amazing. and I at least didnt screw it up, so that was good.

*sigh*

oh life. there may be someone, but who knows if anything's ever going to happen? It's impossible to tell. I am very bad at waiting.

hmmm.

Currently Listening All That You Can't Leave Behind By U2 Elevation see related

so I found out today that there really aren't any good places to hide from the student body during chapel in the fine arts center. kevin....oh kevin lewis..on friday he came up to me after school, looking very distraught and asked me to co anchor with him for WATV. cause Nicole kinda left I guess. don't know. anyways though, Kevin takes this really seriously and he really wants to be a news anchor so I said I'd help him. So then this morning in chapel there was 25 minutes of Kevin, Will, Axel, and I on the big screen talking about the weather and stuff. ugh. embarrassing. but then everyone liked it ok I think. Idk. anyways though. Among other news, (using my anchor voice) this is going to be a great week. Yesterday at our Impact meeting we found out that we are getting a new director-in two weeks-actually it's the old Barrington Impact guy, Paul, the African guy. So that's an answer to prayer. But I think that also this whole experience of not having a pastor taught us as a group how important it is to take ownership of Impact. this is OUR youth group, not the leaders' or the pastor's. It's up to us to make it what we want it to me. I can't even count how many times Josh said that very thing to us when he was still here, and honestly it pretty much went in one ear & out the other. So, that said, I'm trying to contribute. Next sunday I'm leading worship (singing) with the lovely Sara, and  David and Justin are gonna play. So we're reahearsing at the Runyon's on thursday. And then on friday, Sara & I and maybe Jami & Alicia are having ourselves a special "we ain't got no man" (<Sara's idea for a title) Valentine's party & renting Pride & Prejudice. David Lee and Justin wanted to come, but we decided against it and told them they can have their own "we ain't got no woman" party. haha. so that should be fun. I love those girls.

on a little more serious subject: I might be moving next year. a lot of you probably know how my mom took that job in MN and how...well how I hate it and it sucks.  But I really don't want to leave. I want to stay. I have my world here-my amazing school, my amazing youth group, my amazing friends. I can't even imagine leaving this. This is where I've spent the most important part of my life..where I've grown up. But my other option is to stay here, by myself. And while I entertained that idea for a few months, I don't think I could do it.

Idk. just confused I guess. I mean it took so much convincing and everything to get me to decide to go to WA, and that ended up so right for me, and I know it was exactly where God wanted me, that I can't believe He would only want me there for two years and then uproot me again.

I hate moving.

I like things the way they are.

And I got in a really big fight with my mom last night (she left at like 4 this morning so I didn't get to see her)

I am sad. Just sad.

I wanted to cry this morning when I was getting ready for school

Except then God taught me something.

I found out that one of the kids in my carpool, his parents are getting a divorce.

that's really sad.

They'll never be whole again. At least my family is whole, even if we are kind of split up over the week.

I can't imagine what he's going through, and worse yet I don't know what to say to him.

But I'm still sad. about myself

sad is a very small word. But I don't feel small sad. I feel big sad.